One of the first things people ask when you're released from the big house is, "What was the food like?" And your answer will be, "Gross."

The second question will be, "Did you work out with Tyrone?" And your answer will be, "Um, I was in a women's jail." Seriously, here's how to make the food tolerable and keep in shape:

Prison Food

Paris will eat meals in her cell. Her first meal, served Sunday evening: Cereal, bread, and juice -- hello, carbs!

Pass the hot sauce. Institutional food in the best of times leans toward bland, so punch up the flavor with hot sauce. Ask around for tiny packets, like the ones you get at Taco Bell.

Resolve to try everything. In keeping with the theme of being open to experiences, don't turn up your nose at the grub. Other people eat it; you can, too.

Resist the urge to fill up on junk food. Yes, the meals are nasty but at least their more nutritious than Doritos. Consider this three weeks to wean yourself from In-N-Out Burgers and to drop a few pounds.

Toast and ice cream. As any college freshman can tell you, these will be your two main food groups.

Learn to love a hotdog. Like it or not, tube steaks are served frequently in correctional facilities, because they're inexpensive, tolerated by most inmates, and are a source of protein. Sometimes the meat is even raised on prison farms (not in L.A., duh). Sorry, Paris, no veggie dogs.

Be polite to the food-services staff. Who do you think is going to get the extra-big slice of cake? Or those burned scrapings from the bottom of the chili pot? How you treat people can influence your diet.

Classic calisthenics are your main fitness option. There probably won't be regular gym access, if any. Hit the floor for pushups and crunches.

Chin-ups can be done on open metal stairs. Place a towel over any rough bits to protect your fingers. Another option is too loop two towels around the step, tie them tightly, and do chin-ups by holding the looped towels, kind of like those gymnastic rings at the Olympics.

Plan your shower time. Another reason to schedule each day? So you can slot your exercise time in before showering.

Fight the excuses not to exercise, because study after study says that prisoners who keep physically active are healthier, happier, and better behaved. "There is no fresh air, no room, sometimes no water to wash after the training. The simple things necessary for doing sports are not available in prison," writes Andrew V. Kudin on his website, How to Survive in Prison. "Besides, your body is exhausted by lack or absence of food suitable for eating. You can’t plan your time because any moment you may be taken to another interrogation or transferred to a different cell. To put it in a nutshell, there are more than enough excuses not to do physical exercises for those who don’t want to."

Hit the (virtual) street. "The simplest and at the same time the most effective exercise is running," writes Andrew V. Kudin. "It can be practiced in the prison court yard and even in the small cell." Let's hope those prison-issue sneakers offer good arch support.

Yoga: trendy and requires no equipment.

Isometrics, or exercises that build muscles without equipment, are an excellent option. Not only is this how Charles Atlas turned from 98-pound weakling into a he-man, but it's also the favorite fitness technique of--random surfing result alert--Jane Seymour: "I lie on my back for a lot of the exercises and pull my stomach in towards my back, really making my belly button press towards the ground. I stretch my legs up at different angles and also do a bicycle-type movement in the air. With isometrics, you're isolating and engaging the stomach muscles to strengthen them. I'm thinking about my muscles and body alignment."

Jump rope. Twist a bed sheet into a rope and tie a knot in the middle (to give the center some weight). Be careful with this one, because you don't want the guards to think you're making a noose and confiscate your sheet.