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1. Do your own time. Called the golden rule of prison, this roughly translates as, "Mind your own business."
   
   
2. "Don't flash money or property around," advises Shaun Attwood of the excellent big-house blog Jon's Jail Journal. If an alpha inmate sees you with something fancy that she fancies, she'll just take it from you. If you have toothpaste, hair gel, or something you can share, word to the wise: Share it.
   
   
3. Don't do drugs. It's one thing to dabble in the outside world, but getting involved with narcotics in jail adds another level of complication. For one, you don't want to run up any IOUs you can't remedy: "More people die from being unable to pay drug debts than for any other reason," Jon warns. Second, you need to keep your sober wits about you. Third, why risk getting caught? Finally, who knows what you can catch from dirty needles, pipes, etc.
   
   
4. Show some 'tude to the guards. Better to read in US Weekly about some warden who griped that you were sassy and noncooperative than to have Roz and Marge reckon that you're pals with the Man. The warden doesn't share your shower.
   
   
5. Respect the long-term residents. No one appreciates a three-weeker who whines about how long her sentence is. Also, don't ask about the length of a fellow inmate's sentence or the nature of her crime. That's rude, and very dangerous.
   
   
6. Stand up for yourself. Establishing strength and cred is essential, so if someone picks on you or, heaven forbid, challenges you to a fight, you have no choice but to fight back. Once you're perceived as a weakling, the knives are (literally) out and it's very hard to erase those first impressions of softness.
   
   
7. Respect other people's property. While you might think nothing of borrowing Nicole's cashmere hoodie without asking for permission, suppress the urge to sample your cellie's Triscuits. Don't touch other people's stuff ever. Even with permission. Seriously, don't do it.
   
   
8. Don't attract the attention of the corrections officers, either when by yourself or with a group. This means moving slowly, keeping your voice down and not acting like a performer. This is one place you don't want to draw a crowd.

1. Catch up on all treatments before incarceration: haircut and color, facial, brows and nails.
   
   
2. Request easy-care styles on everything from brows to nails, and have any extensions removed (lest they get yanked out in a fight). Maybe visit the dentist and doctor to make sure everything's in good shape.
   
   
3. Get your hair braided. Braiding is a popular beauty procedure and general pastime in prison. A few words of warning, though: Approach a potential braider with caution, in case she thinks you're bossing her around, and offer to reciprocate. Also, as a white girl, adopting an African-American style is unwise for many, many reasons, least of all that you can't pull off the look.
   
   
4. Let your waxing go. Word to the wise: The less attractive down there the better.
   
   
5. Make a headband from plastic bags, like garbage-pail liners. Shred them into strips (maybe rinse them first) and start braiding. When you've made several strands, braid the small braids into larger braids. Repeat this process until the desired thickness is reached.
   
   
6. Mortar and grout between bricks and tiles makes a handy emery board for filing nails.
   
   
7. Get a tattoo. Nothing says "I did time" quite like a big-house tat. You'll want to find someone experienced to administer your design, but here's a summary of how these homemade body art happens. Paper is burned and the soot collected on a shiny surface, like a magazine cover. The soot is scraped off and mixed with liquid soap to make "ink." "Needles" can be fashioned from an unfolded staple tied with dental floss to a pencil, like a bayonet. Spread the "ink" on the skin to be decorated, then punch out the design with the "needle."
   
   Go for a simple design. Put it somewhere inconspicuous. Make a laser-removal appointment for your first day of freedom.
   
   
8. Play beauty parlor with the prison-issue makeup kit (compact, eye shadow, eyebrow pencil, hair color). As one of the few residents who's ever had a professional makeup application, Paris could earn brownie points by sharing her insight--and makeup--with fellow inmates.
   
   
9. Wash your face morning and night. No reason to become a zit farmer.
   
   
10. If you get a cut or scrape, discreetly ask a corrections officer for an alcohol swab and a Band-Aid. Two goals: Don't get an infection; don't establish yourself as a crybaby.

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